Comcast Cruises Past Verizon, Walmart Upsets Bank Of America In Worst Company Quarterfinal Action!

Worst Company In America Quarterfinal action kicked off this morning with a doozy of a double-header, one resulting in one of the tournament’s most decisive victories and the other going down to the wire in this year’s latest buzzer-beater bout.

COMCAST VS. VERIZON

With both contenders sporting red and black trunks, we’d worried it might have been difficult to distinguish between the two pugilists. But once Comcast unleashed its trademarked Blast Plus package on poor little Verizon, there was no mistaking who was doing the pummeling and who was the pummelee.

It’s been four years since Comcast last took home the Golden Poo, but like Philly’s own Rocky Balboa training out of the spotlight in snowy Krasnogourbinsk for his fight against Ivan Drago, the Kabletown Krew has only gotten leaner, stronger, and more fierce since its last win. And that hard work showed with today’s 83-17 crushing of Verizon.

Comcast may want to brush up with another training montage, as it still has to go up against the victor of tomorrow’s bout between upstart rookie SeaWorld and WCIA vet Chase.

BANK OF AMERICA VS. WALMART:

In each of the last three years, Bank of America cruised to the WCIA Final Death Match, only to lose out each time; first to the oil-spillers at BP and then twice more to nickel-and-diming, customer-hating video game giant EA. With EA eliminated in a Round One upset, it seemed like BofA’s path to the Death Match was clear, and that the bank had to be considered a favorite to contend for the Poo.

But no one counted on Walmart.

The nation’s largest retailer can always be relied upon to compete in our little bit of March insanity, but it rarely makes it beyond the second round. So WCIA oddsmakers (not that we encourage gambling) had unanimously favored BofA to win by at least 10 to 15 points.

But in the third match-up to be decided by around one percentage point (and the first such match to not involve Time Warner Cable), the big bad bank was sent packing by Walmart.

Was the Walmart victory a fluke, or does the mega-tailer have the support it needs to keep going in the tournament? The answer to that question likely depends on whether it faces Monsanto or Time Warner Cable in the Final Four.

Time to print out the bracket and pretend to your friends that you predicted it would turn out this way:

by Chris Morran via Consumerist