Traveling is supposed to bring joy and relaxation into one’s stressed-out life, but not all of us can fly in private planes with only those people we know we won’t want to beat senseless with a swim noodle before the jet lands. Since we all want to land without resorting to fisticuffs or threats of forcible early deplaning, there are certain behaviors from which we’d all be wise to abstain while traveling.
Over at Conde Nast Traveler — a magazine that many of us can blame for convincing us it was a good idea to spend money to fly anywhere in the first place — author Lilit Marcus has put together a rundown of “10 Ways to Make Everyone on Your Flight Hate You.”
To save you a bit of trouble, we’ve pulled out the ones with which we agree the most:
1. Eat really stinky food.
Yes, pre-packaged food is cheaper and often better than anything you’ll get at the airport or on the plane, but please have some thought for the olfactory receptors of those around you. Just like you don’t like it when the sock-less guy next to you slips off his shoes to unleash funky foot odor, no one wants to inhale the garlicky aromas emanating from your to-go container.
And it’s not just foods with repellant odors that are bothersome on flights. Even the best-smelling food is obnoxious when it’s not you eating it.
So please leave the egg salad, caesar salad, leftover General Tso’s chicken, and — we can’t stress this last one enough — the tuna fish back at home.
2. Don’t supervise your children.
One surefire way to ensure that your fellow passengers have homicidal thoughts about you is to let your children run wild. Feral kids are insufferable when they have yards and parks to roam about in; pack them into a flying metal container with hundreds of anxious adults and you might as well alert the TSA and FBI that someone will be arrested upon landing.
3. Be rude to the flight attendant/overuse the call button.
You ever wonder why it seems like so many flight attendants now use their authority to have even mildly annoying passengers booted from flights? It’s because they’ve spent decades responding to passengers with a heavy thumb on the call button, many of whom are incredibly unpleasant to the attendant once he or she arrives to see what is needed… this time.
“That flight attendant sure has a nice smile,” writes Marcus. “Wait until you see what her smile looks like after you’ve buzzed her to ask for replacement headphones, the vegan meal you didn’t request ahead of time, a personal escort to the bathroom, five pillows, and a bedtime story.”
4. Make “jokes” about terrorism and Ebola.
If you really feel compelled to tell a joke about bombs in the overhead bin or how that sniffle you have is actually a deadly, contagious disease, just tell it to yourself and know that you are secretly hilarious. Your sense of humor will not be fully appreciated by the FBI or CDC, or by your fellow travelers who won’t make their connecting flights because the plane was grounded and/or quarantined.
5. Don’t share the aisle.
“The aisle is a great place for everyone to stretch their legs and walk to and from the bathroom,” writes Marcus. “But it’s an even better place for you to hold a one-person party!”
That’s right, just put your feet out there for folks to stumble on; maybe go up a few rows to chat with the friend, family member or coworker that you haven’t spoken to since boarding. Whatever you do, don’t do the respectful thing and keep the aisle clear.
6. Practice poor hygiene.
This is basically the personal-care version of the “no stinky food” rule. It’s pretty self-explanatory.
And while you might get bored during your flight, this is not the time to turn the airplane into a bathroom. Your toenails will still need clipping when you land, your earwax level will not get significantly worse during your flight. These things can and should wait.
7. Talk smack about the destination you just left.
Look, we know that not every traveler likes every city they visit. But odds are that many of the people around you on a plane have some sort of relationship to that place. So you might just come off as a horse’s tuchus if you start badmouthing everything that these people hold dear.
Check out the full list of obnoxious behaviors at Conde Nast Traveler.
by Chris Morran via Consumerist
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